Fixed?

Alright, as per request by Katie Parker (BARRYYYYYYY!) This post is to be about addiction.

It occurred to me, while i was trying to think of what to write, that everyone is addicted to something. We, as a race, do not like the word 'addiction' because, nt only is it stigmatised as being used to describe bad addictions, such as drugs and the like, it also insinuates an apparent giving over of control. We can't HELP being addicted to something, and that takes away our independence. Its a big no-no to some people.

But addiction isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sure, its usually associated with drugs, alcohol and gambling and the like. But in this its not the addiction thats the problem, its the object of the addiction no? these things, even in moderation, are a very sharp knife-edge to be walking on.

So when good things come along and we find ourself unable to be away from them, what do we do then? we get scared because weve lost control of our senses in a way. the mind tells you that addiction is bad, so you shy away from any behaviour that shows the tell-tale signs. But sometimes you become addicted to things without even knowing it. Love, if you like. You become addicted to a person. You spend all your time with them and can't bear to be apart from them for long. is that not a sort of addiction? What about music? You turn your radio on because you cant bear the silence. What would happen if your radio broke? would you go mad? What about all the things that, if you think about it, you wouldnt dare be without?

Its almost, in a way, the whole "if you were trapped on a desert island" thing. If you could find a way to wrangle your fate you would take as much with you as possible because you are dependant on the things around you that provide you with some form of comfort. thats what addiction is; its becoming dependant on something that, in your own opinion, enhances your lifestyle. So addiction can't really wrong, per se.

In the meantime, heres a list of things i'm addicted to:

- music
- Chocolate
- wotsits (cheesy puffs for the international readers :3)

- facebook (who isnt?)

- my friends. i get withdrawal symptoms being on my own!

What are you addicted to? what could you not live without, if push came to shove? Hmmm.

Habere, Deus

This week has been purely Surreal. I've said that a lot this week but for those who know the tale will agree with it, and once you yourself have read it, you'll understand it.

My nana has suffered with Emphysema for a long time now. She collapsed in 2006, and was given an oxygen tank and a mask, which she has to wear 15 hours a day to be comfortable.

Last week, things got the better of her and she admitted herself to hospital for respite. Sunday we visited her and she seemed to be doing better.

Monday morning, her birthday, no less, we got a call. THE call that you dread. "You'd better come to hospital as soon as possible." We all told our bosses where we were going, and headed to hospital as fast as possible. After getting calls, her 4 children and 5 grandchildren, along with partners, rushed to the hospital. And she was in a very bad way... She had a huge mask strapped to her face, and she just looked so frail. Frail isnt something my nana is. Shes the most head-stubborn woman i've ever met. But still, there she lay, literally knocking at heavens door.

By Tuesday afternoon, every single one of us had accepted the inevitable. Consultants had told us not to hope. There was no way she could recover. My nana, in her consciousness, tried to school us, comfort us. My nana to a tee - she was comforting us. She told us she was ready to be with the family that had already passed.

And then, by Tuesday evening she had picked up. Her heart rate had slowed from abnormal to somewhat normal. Her breath capacity had improved by a third - a figure we hadn't seen for months, even when she was at home.

Wednesday morning, the doctors announbced that my nana was well enough to come home - said through splutters of disbelief. Its a miracle, they said. "We can't understand how she's still alive. There is no medical reason for her recovery."

Too bloody right it's a miracle!

I remembered then, what i'd said as watched her struggling in-between worlds. God, i haven't ever asked for much, and never for myself. But my family aren't ready for life without my nana. My mum still needs her mum. If you can save her, i promise i'll listen to you more. ill go to church, i'll do anything.

The prospect of getting up early on a sunday morning has never looked so optimistic. I have someone to thank, and i made a promise. Someone has saved my nana, and i'll keep to my word.

Shes coming home today, and i couldn't be more thankful. And even through the preparing for undescribable grief, i was amazed (as were the doctors) by my family. Thirteen of us were in one room to support my nana within 5 hours. (some of us live further away than others). The doctors suggested that the overwhelming support we all provided had something to do with her recovery. The hospital said they haven't ever seen that level of dedication. Well, why shouldnt we be here? we love our family, were here when something goes wrong.

What else astounded me was my own strength. I kept level headed around my family. My worst moment was when i was trying to sleep the first night and all i could see was my nana with a horrible mask on her face, looking the frailest id ever seen her, and, if im honest, not looking remotely like herself at all. it was horrifying to think that she was in as much pain as the vision looked like it was giving her.

A message for smokers: Ive never been a militant 'dont smoke' person. To tell the truth i've had one or two myself when ive been drunk. But if not for yourself, for the sake of your family, quit. Don't ever let them see you in a hospital bed, suffocating on your own lungs. Its too horrifying to watch someone you love so unconditionally go through that level of pain.

For now, though, im grateful for my life. My nana has been given back her life and her health. For now, at least. I'm also very privileged to have a very nice guy helping me through all this. Hes a gem, despite a few glitches back in the past.

New day, new outlook, new life.

Thank you, God.