Sex, Passion and The Old Taboo (NSFW)

Ooh-er, i'd best go steady with this one. Family of mine, I promise this is not going to be seedy or too revealing about myself, but it is going to be one for the less prudish, so if you think its going to scar you for life, i'd look away now. :P

This is something I've wanted to discuss for a while now. Not because I'm perverse, nymphomaniacal or slatternly, but because we're so overwhelmingly caught in a crossfire these days between those who believe sex is purely functional and blush at the mere thought of venturing away from missionary, and those who would happily bump uglies 24/7. These little bullets that should be named "go forth and multiply", Versus "you'll go blind if you do that, lad" have bred so much misconception in society; ages of every kind are unsure. What is socially acceptable is, at least in part, coming full circle again, but it is still HUGELY misunderstood, in my opinion. So forgive me for the touchy subject, but I'm putting some cards on the table. Buckle up, this is going to be long.

The trigger for the decision to write this, came from some surprising sources. One from the blog of a young woman. One from the entire discography of Michael Cretu, and one, from my mother. Yep.

Lets start with the conversation between my mother and I. To cut a long chat short, it boils down to this; I had mentioned, in jest, that if I made a sex tape, I would be famous pretty quickly. It worked for Paris Hilton, why not me? My mother replied promptly with "well would you want men... yanno..." and then she cringed, and went into an elaborate argument of how porn and erotic literature was seedy and degrading. Porn in particular is a controversial thing, one may always wonder if these girls are willingly being recorded or whether circumstance drove them to it as a last resort.

And then I came across this girls blog. Shes a larger girl, one i've spoken to a time or two. She likes to bake, she watches the Vampire Diaries and she has a wonderful sense of humour - it just so happens that she posts pictures of herself nude and more, online. Her blog boasts the banner; "What some women may see as degrading, others see as emboldening, empowering and exhilirating." How about that? Whats more surprising is, the majority of her comments are from women, telling her how amazing and beautiful she is. And though some of her poses are what many would consider to be seedy, all I see is art and beauty.

Sex is a beautiful thing. Yes it is. It is not purely functional, nor is it purely physical gratification. It is the most basic human instinct. It is the key to many medical aids, psychological aids, and it is wonderful for the spirit. It is the foundation for the first religions. It is the basis for some of the most famous works of art. Whether it is with a partner or alone, it is nothing but beneficial (when addressed safely, of course, it shouldn't need to be said but just in case!) and I do find it rather sad that so many of these ideas have been ostracized or forgotten. Heres some facts:

Sex releases endorphins - natural 'feel happy' and painkiller chemicals. Shunning your partner because of a headache? Get it on, and you'd be satisfied and headache free.

Men: Apparently watching porn increases your sperm count. Studies have shown that men who looked at porn of two men and one woman produced more sperm than those who looked at just women. Scientists speculate that seeing competition makes men step up their baby-making capacities.

The female orgasm enhances chances of becoming pregnant. The muscular spasms experienced can push sperm further along the canal and into the uterus - sadly, only 29% of women reach an orgasm through penetration, so a little 'deviance' as some may call it, only increase your chances of pregnancy.

I did read more earlier this week, about the general levels of happiness in people going up if they had regular sex, and what-not. Ambiguous but i can't find the facts any more! But the point i'm trying to make is, there is nothing bad about the whole dance. The oldest advert in the world is for a brothel. Sex is the oldest trading commodity, and its dealers the first to make a 'profession'. The first religions were geared towards fertility, and many rituals had their followers engage in sex, publically, as something to be celebrated. Its instinct. And it really is beautiful - can you imagine anything better than la petit mort - locking limbs with someone you connect with, giving that piece of yourself over and getting the world in return?

Maybe I have a romanticized view, but tales of passion and frivolity have earmarked most of history and some of the worlds most well known stories. You didn't think Sleeping Beauty was awoken by a simple kiss, did you? Think again.

I do believe Ive rambled on enough now, but as a leaving thought, heres a song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFLRHPUWBI8&feature=related

It is by Enigma, Michael Cretu's finest work. It addresses the life of the Marquis De Sade; a notorious French noble, whos unrivalled reputation for sexual deviance piques interest worldwide. His life is of great ethical debate, but by all accounts, his lovers were well pleased and fought for his attentions.

"Sade, Qu'est ce que tu vas chercher?

Le bien par le mal, le vertu par le vice?

Sade, dit moi - pourquoi l'evangele du mal?

Quelle est ta religion, ou' sont tes fide'les?

Si tu es contre dieu, tu es contre 'homme.

Sade - Et tu diabolique... ou divin?"

A TEENSY Bit Peeved

Right, so. a Tsunami hit Japan on Friday morning after an earthquake that measured 8.9. Thus far, 350 are dead, hundred more missing, and there are fears the death toll will be much higher. Whats more, the tremor has shook Japan enough for those living anywhere near the Fukushima nuclear power plant have been evacuated, since the reactor's pressure is way above its normal tolerance. This natural disaster will set Japan back YEARS, financially, emotionally... i don't think there is a silver lining anywhere in this.

So of course, everyone is helping Japan any way they can. BUT. And heres the massive 'BUT'...

A collage of facebook statuses were sent my way about half an hour ago (and i've sat here seething ever since) from a bunch of Americans, who, in general consensus believe that this natural disaster is payback for the assault on Pearl Harbour in 1941.

'Scuse my language, but what a fucking disgrace.

Where on earth do these people get off?! Ignorant, small-minded Americans seem to be the vast majority these days (I know these people are in no way the majority - but its these sick individuals that get publicised and give s other countries the bullets to hit them with.) and it makes me sad to say, but its what gets them a ridiculously abhorrent reputation with the rest of the world. Lets look at facts here.

- Hurricane Katrina, 2005. Amongst donations from all over the world, Toyota, the Japanese car manufacturers, donated $2m to the American red cross, and offered to match contributions made to the salvation army.

Since the conclusion of WWII, pertaining to Japan and the USA, I believe Japan have done nought but offered help to most other countries, denying any themselves. Coolant was offered to Japan and was declined.

Some more facts:

- i wonder, if other countries had the same mentality as America, who could claim such things as 9/11, the Haiti earthquake, or hurricane katrina, was payback for offences offered? For certain, Japan could claim that right (Pearl Harbour death tool was approx. 2350 and had no lasting effect other than emotional on survivors or their children). Pearl harbour, pearl harbour, yadda yadda.... Hiroshima and Nagasaki. These two instances killed over 150,000 people and the radiation left behind has left a lasting imprint on the country that is only just beginning to recede.

What about the Vietnamese? The death toll of that incident is about as high as the Japan bombing, purely and simply because America couldn't help but interfere. So while many may class Lt. Calley as a hero, the rest of the world thinks he was an evil jackass second only to Hitler himself.

And while these small-minded Americans are laughing at an unavoidable and devastating natural disaster, the rest of the world are looking on in pity and hoping Japan picks itself up soon. You can all laugh at Japan for this supposed 'attack of karma' but you're quite happy to have your sushi and your stereos, and as soon as something devastating happens to you, you will expect the world to be at your beck and call. Team America does it again, huh?

I would thank your lucky stars, Uncle Sam, that your country seems to be so brown-nosed that when something like this inevitably comes your way, you'll never not have help for it. Grow the hell up and stop acting so bloody childish. Or do you want to claim karma on the British too when you kill us in your friendly fires? Psh.

N.B: This is a direct attack upon those small minded Americans who believe this disaster is a direct rebuttal of mother nature for Pearl Harbour. I exclude any and all of any nation who show respect, integrity, and sympathy for a country that were the 'enemy' too long ago for it to be of any significance in the present.

One year on...

In some ways it feels like a blink ago and in others an age. Either is too long.

Its been a year since i last talked to you or saw you and i miss you terribly, as i'm sure everyone who had the opportunity to meet you would. I still visit every now and then, i still call your phone before i remember, when i think of a good gift for mum, or something you'd find funny or lovely.

My biggest fear is that i forget everything. Your wonderful stories, how you looked... i don't ever want to. I doubt it will ever happen, I'm constantly telling people about you!

In ways it has been a wonderful year too. Michaela and Gavin's wedding was beautiful, you'd have loved it. And now Michaela is expecting the next little Tolson and waiting until birth to find out what it is. So happy for her! Its so exciting, and auntie Sheryl is ITCHING to be a nana. Mum got recognised as the region's kindest tesco person after some lovely compliments from customers. In little ways, we are getting blessings from everywhere. Enough to just lift us when were sad.

Also, Paige had a bit of a brush with fate, having lost control of her car - we were talking about this and reckon you had some hand in protecting her, so thank you from all of us and especially Paige! All in all, we've been a lot closer this year, which makes me very happy.

Now for all of you who didn't get the chance to know my nana, im going to share something i remember that has always made me giggle. In her words:

"I mostly did well at school, but i was never good at cooking (but she was GREAT at it by the time she was looking after me!). We had a test for cooking once, and i got 2 marks. One for my name... and one for the date. (this is when i would laugh and ask why she did so badly.) I was eye-flirting with the builders out of the window! i lost complete track of time, and wasn't interested in the test anyway."

This is a great example of the carefree love my nana held for all things joyful, and got me through many things. It wasn't often i saw her frown. I NEVER saw her angry. When she'd passed, i remember sitting in her living room and Dolly Parton's "i will always love you" coming on the stereo. One passage stuck in my head:

"I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.

And I wish to you, joy, and happiness

But above all this, I wish you love."

...Says it all, does it not?

And so. Nana, from all of us, we love and miss you. We think about you every day and not a moment goes by when we don't wish you were still here. Thank you for looking out for us all, but don't miss out on too many parties. Enjoy yourself, its about time you relaxed.

Say Hello to Brian.

All of us xxx

"A daily thought, a silent tear, a constant wish you were still here."

Ooh, My Bad... *Sheepish Smile*

For some reason, this bloody page won't let me upload a picture today. And i had a really good one, too. *pout*

ANYWAY. I've been a bit naughty haven't I, saying i'd keep updating this, and then leaving it until August, and now its past bonfire night and i've been very elusive. So, i'd like to formally apologise for my lameness and promise to at least TRY to update this more often, but what can i say? University is demanding more and more of my time. Do they think i'm actually trying to get a degree or something?! Hurr.

So yeah. Back onto something more (or less, who knows) interesting, i seem to have gotten back into my fantasy hobbies of drawing. Unfortunately the book is on hold for now, too many essays have given me much less will to actually write any length of prose so i think i'm going to go hardcore writing over the holidays. Ideas keep changing and reformulating, so the sooner i get one DEFINITE idea down, the better. Its very... liquid, i guess? i can't pin it down apart from the characters who are already set in my head. Apart from my heroine, who i cant find a name for. I'm thinking something celtic/gaelic like Liath (Not that particular name because its been used, but something like it anyway). Heres an idea: submit your ideas to me any way you know how! I know that at least ONE of You will have an idea. *Villanous eyebrow-wiggle*

But apart from that, my renewed interest in all things supernatural and ethereal and so on and such forth, is proving to be a bit of a problem. Currently, i'm sat in Swansea University Library. I have my dissertation proposal minimised, as well as all the sources im interested in to help me. What i DO have open is the works of Jessica Galbreth, a seperate word document for lyrics for my new band, formed with my partner in crime, Owen 'Orpheus Man-Fairy' Francis, guitarist extraordinaire and Mark Tremonti's largest (bordering 'stalkerish') fan. All we need is a drummer and were set to record. So with music and literature in the works, maybe my degree is sort of null and void anyway. Yay for throwing £24,000 at nothing! Eugh.

But meanwhile, i DO have a degree to complete, and this A.D.H.D - like tendency to sit here going "oooh, look at the pretty wings!" isn't very conductive to the politics of the Parisi in the PRIA (Don't worry, you're not meant to know what this means, i'm not even sure i do). So while i'm quite content getting starry - eyed over sparkly pictures, my potential to get even a desmond is trickling away.

On a more doom-and-gloom note, things are getting rockier at university anyway. Conditions in my house have made things hard to tolerate and i often wonder whether its not worth just sacking it all in and leaving to concentrate on my creative skills. The only thing that does keep me going is knowing i have 6/7 months left before i'm free of education (and this horrible person) forever.

But all in all, things are going well. And next time i post something i'll do it with a particular description. I'm going through a 'i like Dante's Inferno' stage, so it'll maybe be all about this. Its very interesting, i assure you.

Again, sorry for being so shi.. ahem. BAD, at keeping updated. I have People on my bottom pushing me to write more often which is helping. Much love.

Holy Wow.

I just found this and thought you might all like it. Very different way of thinking!

The Egg
By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. You wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.

Erk!

The last time i posted was a very trying time for me; still, it's no excuse to have been so lax in my blogging duties! Oopsidaisie.

So, most recently, things have been a little better. Obviously, i still miss my nana but thats something thats never going to go away, i'm blessed enough to have some lovely memories of her, and i've been given more drive to do well. Which is great, because apparently my family have connections to a publisher. Which might kick my ass well enough to finish this book!

Lifesong, by the way, is going to be re-written from a slightly different perspective. No change to the plot, more so a change in narrative and such. I did a lot of searching, and have got some of my characters saved from pieces of art created by others (obviously intended for different reasons but they somewhat fit) which have given me more to gon on . Its nice to see my characters being shown. HOWEVER. i would DEARLY love an artist to really do them for me. Properly. *Hint hint*.

Sadly, though, the writing is going to be slow going recently, as... dun dun dunnnnn... DISSERTATION proposals have to be in soon as well as the fact that 10,000 words are due for this time next year. Im wondering what to do my dissertation on. Im caught right now between the politics of Nefertiti, and the settlement of Roman Britain. Hmmmm. I think Roman Britain would be more easily researched, personally, anything to get a better mark!

Okay, so, i know this hasn't been the most riveting thing i've ever written but i was butt-smacked to update so i have. And i PROMISE, REALLY PROMISE THIS TIME that i'll write more OFTEN. promeeeeeessseeee. Really. =]

Tolsons, i Salute You..

Dear Nana

Today you gave us all a gift i never realised i was thankful for until now. Watching you end your life and begin another was an experience i'll never forget - even though i cry, its not because i grieve for you. How can i grieve when i can feel your happiness radiating around me? I know you saw your entire family, the result of your love gathered to wish you a safe journey, and i know how proud you must have felt - i am so proud of my family, and before today i never realised how much i enjoy their company. I have you to thank for that realisation.
Today has never felt like the end for me - only the beginning. Its as if you've passed a book to us with blank pages, ready for us to fill - now is the time for your children to shine and to live their life as you did, and when it becomes their time to pass the book to us, your grandchildren, i for one promise to fill the book to the very last page. And, talking of books, i promise i'll finish mine before my 25th birthday. And you'll be on the cover. We came together today as a family to share memories that you yourself created. You left us with the song 'i have a dream' - well, i too have a dream, that we all create memories for our children that are at least half as rich as the ones you left behind for us to cherish.

Until we meet again, nana - i will always love you.

Lauren x

And to my family - i need say nothing other than i miss and love you all, and i am thankful for all of you. I never realised how large a part of my life you all are in your entirety until this day. I hope that we all see a lot more of each other soon. Please, don't be strangers. ~x