One year on...

In some ways it feels like a blink ago and in others an age. Either is too long.

Its been a year since i last talked to you or saw you and i miss you terribly, as i'm sure everyone who had the opportunity to meet you would. I still visit every now and then, i still call your phone before i remember, when i think of a good gift for mum, or something you'd find funny or lovely.

My biggest fear is that i forget everything. Your wonderful stories, how you looked... i don't ever want to. I doubt it will ever happen, I'm constantly telling people about you!

In ways it has been a wonderful year too. Michaela and Gavin's wedding was beautiful, you'd have loved it. And now Michaela is expecting the next little Tolson and waiting until birth to find out what it is. So happy for her! Its so exciting, and auntie Sheryl is ITCHING to be a nana. Mum got recognised as the region's kindest tesco person after some lovely compliments from customers. In little ways, we are getting blessings from everywhere. Enough to just lift us when were sad.

Also, Paige had a bit of a brush with fate, having lost control of her car - we were talking about this and reckon you had some hand in protecting her, so thank you from all of us and especially Paige! All in all, we've been a lot closer this year, which makes me very happy.

Now for all of you who didn't get the chance to know my nana, im going to share something i remember that has always made me giggle. In her words:

"I mostly did well at school, but i was never good at cooking (but she was GREAT at it by the time she was looking after me!). We had a test for cooking once, and i got 2 marks. One for my name... and one for the date. (this is when i would laugh and ask why she did so badly.) I was eye-flirting with the builders out of the window! i lost complete track of time, and wasn't interested in the test anyway."

This is a great example of the carefree love my nana held for all things joyful, and got me through many things. It wasn't often i saw her frown. I NEVER saw her angry. When she'd passed, i remember sitting in her living room and Dolly Parton's "i will always love you" coming on the stereo. One passage stuck in my head:

"I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.

And I wish to you, joy, and happiness

But above all this, I wish you love."

...Says it all, does it not?

And so. Nana, from all of us, we love and miss you. We think about you every day and not a moment goes by when we don't wish you were still here. Thank you for looking out for us all, but don't miss out on too many parties. Enjoy yourself, its about time you relaxed.

Say Hello to Brian.

All of us xxx

"A daily thought, a silent tear, a constant wish you were still here."